Reflecting on Father’s Day Without Dad

This will be the 17th Father’s Day without my father. My mother is still alive and I am able to celebrate her special day with her. I can only light a candle and pray for my father on his special day.

Who Are Those Men in the Picture?

The picture above shows, right to left, my father, my uncle Jerry, and my grandfather. I was about 2 years old at the time. My father’s family were stoic Germans and were not terribly affectionate. They did show love in their own way.  

My Memories of Dad

Dad loved to tinker around in the garage.  My last Christmas present to him was a paint scraper.  He was grateful for the gift, and he couldn’t wait to use it.

All six of us kids contributed money so my parents could take a trip to Las Vegas. Dad was laid off and Mom was working in a school kitchen in addition to raising the six of us.  Mom and Dad took the trip about five years before Dad passed away.

Dad not only bought lunch for Mom and me, but bought me  one of my favorite candy bars, Mounds. It was one of the last times I visited Muscoda/Highland with them.. On Christmas Day 2001, Dad showed me his medications, adding he did not take half of them. That was my last conversation with him.

What Dad Enjoyed

Dad preferred to stay at home watching sports and history on TV to going out. My parents watched  As the World Turns together for 30 years. He loved the Wisconsin State Fair’s famous cream puffs and salt water taffy.  Dad would always ask my mother to bring home one or two of them back for him. 

He could go out and have fun.  I called Mom to see how they were doing before my youngest brother was married..  She told me that Dad wasn’t home because he was out with my brothers and brothers-in-law.  Dad would answer the phone and we would talk for a while if Mom wasn’t home.  Once, Dad chuckled because he knew it was raining while the family was trying to take down camp at the end of a camping trip.  

What Dad Did For Fun

Dad went out fishing with my brother and my niece about 20 years ago. There is a funny picture of Dad untangling about five or six fishing lines that we had used.  He had the challenging task of untangling all those fishing lines, and he wasn’t happy about that.

 I fondly remember going to my grandparents’ farm the week of the 4th of July. The plant where Dad worked was closed for the holiday.

In the 1980s, my parents and sister and brother-in-law watched a Packers game at County Stadium in Milwaukee.  My sister said that she had never seen my father run from the bus to go to the restroom. 

What Dad Meant to Family and Friends

He loved his children and he doted on his grandchildren. Mom and Dad celebrated my niece’s 2nd  birthday at Chucky Cheese. Dad was smiling while in the restaurant. But Dad told Mom, “Don’t ever ask me to do that again!” once they got into the car. Dad was looking forward to the birth of my niece Madison. She was born just six weeks after he died.

He was loved by the neighbors.  My parents decided to drop in at a bar late one night to meet a neighborhood friend.  Everyone who knew him was surprised, because Dad was not a night owl. Dad also liked to visit with a next door neighbor occasionally.

How Dad Learned to be a Father

Dad had a heart of gold despite his gruff exterior. When I was in high school, I drove him crazy as a teenager. As I grew older, Dad and I accepted each other for who we were. My great-grandmother was bothered when our noisy family came to visit.

When my parents went to my aunt and uncle’s wedding reception, we were taken to my grandparents’ house. Four kids under age 10 were a little too noisy for them. My grandmother later said that her husband told her they would never agree to watch us again.

My grandmother and Dad were close. When we visited our grandparents, Dad spent time talking to his mother while we played at a nearby park. That is how he learned to be a good father.

What Fathers Mean to Daughters

Fathers showing love to their wives and daughters teach their daughters that women are to be treated with respect, love and cared for,, Kathleen Odenthal wrote in Holidappy in 2019. When Dad yelled at us, he would later say that he didn’t mean to. Dad raised his children the way he was raised by his own father. He learned how to be patient with all of us.

Dad had more time to bond with me and play with me because I was the oldest. I would never leave a family gathering without giving him a kiss goodbye. It didn’t feel right when he rushed into the house after saying “bye”. We had just returned from visiting my sister and her family. It was less than a week before he died.

What Fathers Mean to Seniors

Loss of a Parent: Adult Grief When Parents Die reveals that losing a parent is a difficult transition. The death of a parent makes a senior become acutely aware of their own mortality. Dad was 69 when his mother passed away 8 months before he did.

Final Thoughts About Dad

Dad’s sister, Carol, observed that Dad joined my grandmother in heaven. He is our angel, watching over all of our family. Dad is now at peace.

Dad always used to doze off in his chair, and so do I. That said, I am, and always will be, my father’s daughter.