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What Does Mother’s Day Mean
Earlier in May Mother’s Day was celebrated. The day is filled with well-wishes for mothers. But what about people whose mothers are deceased? Are they remembered with love, or are they remembered with anger and/or disappointment if they were absent physically or emotionally. What if the mother had committed suicide? To them, Mother’s Day is just another day.
Who Are the Women in the Picture
The women pictured above in 1960 are my teachers on what it is like to be a mother. From left, they are my grandmother/godmother, my mother, and my great-grandmother. When my great-grandmother died in 1961, my grandmother was not yet 50. When my grandmother died in 2005, my own mother was nearly 70. Today, my mother is 82 and I am 61. In 2019, at least one of a senior’s parents will be living. Kevyn Burger writing for Market Watch quoted the U.S. Census as noting that as lifespans continue to expand, eventually “the number of late-life parents with older children” will expand as well. Women more often than not outlive their husbands.
Secondary Grief and Losing a Mother
Karyn Arnold in Grief in Common defines secondary grief as the loss of a partner, a planner, an advice giver, and a sympathetic ear. I believe all six of us will miss our mother because we could talk to her when we needed advice, a shoulder to cry on, and, most important, provided unconditional love. My mother is my rock, the one I talk to about my problems. When my mother passes away, I will try be strong and go on with my life. I will never stop missing her.
Reflections of Losing a Mother
Survivors of patients at the hospice where I volunteer acknowledge they are doing OK after their loved one’s death. Their mother will always be missed. If they were their mother’s caregivers, they begin to miss them before they pass away. Seniors who care for mothers with Alzheimer’s disease want to remember them as they were.
The Influence of Mothers for Seniors
A child’s relationship with their mother is their most intense. It changes once the child reaches adulthood, marries and raise their own families. A mother will never stop being a mother regardless of the child’s age. My mother once confided that even into her late 40s, her own mother still told her what to do. Mom will continue to give me advice until the day she dies.
What Seniors Can Learn from Their Mothers
By age 60, a child understands life from their mother’s perspective. Seniors have a better understanding of the challenges their mothers faced raising them. They lovingly care for their mothers and shower them with unconditional love despite their mothers developing chronic diseases associated with age.
How Can Seniors Honor/Remember Their Mothers
What can seniors do to honor their mothers? Children can keep in touch by calling, texting, or visiting them if they are living. Seniors can pray for them at their grave site if they have passed away. They can remember their mothers by showing the same unconditional love to their families as they were shown as children.
More Information About Mother’s Day and Secondary Grief
Things I Wish I Knew Before My Mom Died: Coping with Loss Every Day is recommended reading for seniors over 60. If a child wishes they knew more about their mother during her lifetime, it is OK. A mother’s love is like no other. Despite challenges, it was worth every minute.
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Love this post. Great insight on something none of us want to experience, yet likely will.
My mom still tries to protect me, and this is after I’ve done four years of active duty in the Navy, have paid my way through college, and am currently engaged. 😅I’m still getting used to accepting that my mom will always feel the need to take care of me, though I appreciate her desire to keep me safe. ❤
Lovely story and thoughts on grief and honoring mothers. There are always ways to keep the memories and stories going with the appreciation you have for what your mother did for you. I for sure appreciate it more now that I am a mom.
This is so powerful, but I would suggest it is also for people under 60. My mom was paralyzed immediately in a car wreck Christmas Day 2005 on the way to church and I became her full time primary caregiver and would be her caregiver for the first 7 years of her life as a quadriplegic. She would live almost 10 years to the day from the injury and I so identify with what you said about missing someone before they are even gone. Oh how I grieved for her so much while with her and watching someone you love so much suffer so greatly is something that you never quite get over or get rid of. The bonds are strong and I fully beleive I can feel and hear her so often and sometimes if I think of her, I miss her so much the pain is too deep to even comprehend, so I pretend shes still here. I was only 32 when I became a caregiver to my Mom and 42 when I lost my mom. She was still young at only 68. Grief knows no bounds or ages. This was a beautiful beautiful tribute by the way. Thank you for sharing. 🙂
Great post on the influence of a mother, and how to deal with the grief of loss. Thanks for sharing.
Mother’s are special. What a great tribute!
I can’t imagine losing a parent. A wonderful post to help someone through it.
What a lovely post. Very touching and helpful. Thank you for sharing it.
A beautiful post. Thanks for sharing.
So hard to celebrate Mother’s Day without your mother. Thank you for this thoughtful and informative post.
Beautiful post remembering your mother. It is very hard to lose anyone, put aside mom. Thank you for sharing this!
Love this post. Pretty amazing how close mothers and daughters become with age.
Beautiful memories! My mom is 76 and I’m 46 and she still treats me sometimes like I am 15. Although I get frustrated about this sometimes, I know that she will not be around forever and that’s what gets me through it. I love her so much and we just started hanging out more together recently. We walk 3x week at the park and it’s a great time for just the 2 of us that one day I know I will miss. I appreciate every moment I’m with her!
What a lovely post. This is something nobody wants to experience – but everybody will.
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing
Thank you for sharing this lovely post. Grief is such a personal process & looks different for each individual. Although there is no textbook on how to handle grief, you certainly brought up so many valid points.
I learn more about my mother the older I get. As I struggled with Postpartum Psychosis, thinking it just came out of nowhere, she shared with me (after how many years of keeping it a secret?), that she was suicidal when we were little. Our relationship continues to improve as I walk through paths she has been down and it will be so unbelievably hard when I have to watch her (or my dad!) get older and struggle.
Beautiful
Thank you for sharing. Great post on remembering your mom, grief and loss. I loss my mother a few years ago, and am still finding ways to work through my grief.
This is beautiful. I totally agree that the best way to remember someone, is sharing their lessons, and loving the way that they did. I am fortunate to still have my Mother, and work hard for her to know how much I love and appreciate her.
I just turned 60. I am sometimes completely floored that I can still miss my mother so much at this age.
Lovely and powerful post.
My mom left this life way too young and I miss her every single day (still). Mother’s Day is always the day I miss her the most, even after more than 20 years.
Losing a mother has got to be the hardest thing… What a good post.
Such a powerful post! I am fortunate that my mom is still here with me. I forget that my mom had a mom and misses her dearly. My mom is in her 70s. This past Mother’s Day, we visited my grandma’s grave and I miss her so much. I know it made my mom so happy to see her on Mother’s Day. After our visit, we went out to lunch. She cried that she would never be able to have a meal with her mother. I was so moved by this and reminded to not forget the ones that are no longer with us especially on a day like this.
I was lucky to have two mom’s because my dad had multiple wives. When my dad’s first wife passed away in 2000, it was devastating. My mom is currently still living but I will struggle when she passes. I also have collected mother figures throughout the years and I’m super close with my sister in laws mom and my mother in law.
I agree with you. You totally understand your mother as you age! Thank you for sharing your memories!
I lost my mom last year; me 50, she 74. Too young for us both. Thanks for the gentle reminder that our mothers will always be our mothers. Nicely written.
A beautiful post remembering your mother, it’s very hard to lose a parent. My dad passed nearly 5 years ago and I remember him daily.
My mother currently lives with me and we get along great. She watches her political channel in her room and I watch mine in the office. We agree not to watch politics in the family room or talk about it. As long as we do that, we LOVE each other. 🙂 We enjoy our glass of wine in the evenings. We lost my dad last year and thank God we had each other to get through it. 🙂
This is something so many of us are facing or will face. I’m 61. My mother is 80. One of the things we chose to do together is to be as healthy as we can, so the golden years are as enjoyable as possible. I’m grateful that we’ve done just that. We are both the healthiest we have been in many years. As a result I hope to have my mother here for many more years.
I’m not near 60 yet, but this is great info for anyone who might need it.
This is beautiful. I don’t have the greatest relationship with my mother and honestly can’t understand why she is the way she is, but I do remember how hard it was to lose my father. I also know the pain of losing my mother-in-law and see how hard that beautiful woman worked to overcome some tremendous obstacles in life.