Audaciously Embracing 50 and Beyond

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Introduction

I recently interviewed Lisa Levine, author of Midlife, No Crisis: An Audacious Guide to Embracing 50 and Beyond. She encourages seniors 50 and over to live audaciously. Seniors are urged to embrace aging instead of fearing it.

The Difference Between Aging Gracefully and Aging Audaciously

Aging gracefully implies that women should be good girls who shouldn’t bother anyone and should do only what is expected of them gracefully and not rock the boat. Women who went to college not too long ago were expected to get a MRS degree instead of preparing for a career.

Aging audaciously, in contrast, implies doing whatever a senior wants and to be bold. To live audaciously is to know what works and what doesn’t. Living audaciously feels different for everyone. There is something about turning 50 that is intimidating at first. Eventually, women over 50 begin to live audaciously. They become empowered about their lives and know they are not going away anytime soon simply because they are 50.

Learning to “Dream Audaciously”

Dreaming audaciously is different than merely setting goals. Women 50 and over feel like they’ve been spending their lives taking care of others or focusing on their careers. To live audaciously really means to focus on what their bodies are telling them.

Women 50 and over tend to forget that their bodies have much to say. They need to really notice what feels like a “yes”, and notice with how it feels physically. Seniors should also notice if “yes” feels the way they hoped it would. Did they want to feel free and excited, positive? Women should put their feelings on a vision board and arrange it on a wall where they can see it and know this is how they want to feel. The more their feelings guide them, the more it leads them to know what to do and step out in the right direction. Journaling is also a good way to help women get out of their heads and pay attention to what they really want.

Spirituality and Dreaming Audaciously

To live audaciously means not just wanting to go on vacation. It means making the choice about what to do while on vacation. Women are expected to figure things out and do instead of just sitting quietly and just be.

Being is sitting and being quiet instead of trying to figure it out, especially if there is no quiet space. Instead of trying to figure it out, women need to pause and sit and reflect on how they really want to feel. Lisa considers herself a spiritual person who listens to God all the time. She emphasized that God responds when people are quiet instead of busy. God gives short answers to what the next thing should be. Spirituality helps people figure out what they should do next and then just do it. That is also what it means to live audaciously.

What is “Lizard Brain” and How Can Seniors Overcome It?

“Lizard brain” is when seniors are told they are screwed in life simply because they are over 50 and when seniors start to think negative thoughts. They become their worst inner critic. Seniors believe things about themselves at 50 plus that have been hardwired into their brains by society. Lizard brain goes back to caveman times where people learn they should not go into dangerous places and their brain was constantly scanning for danger. Those thoughts are no longer effective. Seniors begin to get paranoid about getting older and fear that their lives are over. Seniors begin to believe things society says about them that are not true, including believing their life is over, no one wants them, and they look awful. Ageism is real in America today.

Seniors can take the opportunity to figure where they go from here and make changes if and when something they are nervous about happens. They can live in the moment instead of worrying about the future, focusing on what is happening in their lives in the here and now. Whatever people of any age worries about generally never happens. Overcoming lizard brain is a wonderful way for seniors to live audaciously.

Seniors Going Into Midlife Empowered vs. Disenfranchised

Seniors are advised to discern between cultural myths and reality. When seniors begin to listen to cultural myths, they should recognize that they are myths and not real. Seniors should ask themselves when they hear these myths, “Says who?”; who decided that seniors are disenfranchised beyond age 50? When seniors hear these myths, they should find new stories and people who inspire them. Seniors should also change where they are looking, and who they are listening to. Just because these myths are out there doesn’t mean it’s true, but should ask themselves what the truth really is instead. Seniors’ bodies may be aging and they no longer have the stamina they used to. But it doesn’t mean seniors are no longer relevant nor valuable.

Seniors should take the opportunity to change the lens their looking through, asking themselves is “a” or “b” better. The time is also right for seniors to change their lens from “crappy” to “better”. Seniors should ask themselves, “do I want to continue looking at life a certain way, or do I want to start to find other things that make me feel relevant and worthy?” They should consider doing something that helps other people and makes them feel better.

The Connection Between Spirituality and Empowerment

Seniors have begun to search for deeper meaning in their life; they no longer want to engage in small talk. They would rather talk about deeper and spiritual things. A senior should reflect about how relevant and worthy they really are. They should also begin to think about what their life is really all about; how are they helping each other? How are they serving each other and God. That is one way seniors can begin to live audaciously.

Empowering Mind, Body and Spirit During Midlife Transition

Mind, body and spirit are all intertwined together. While separate, they are empowering when used together. Seniors shouldn’t believe everything they think. How seniors think reflects their self-care, or lack of self-care. Seniors are encouraged to take care of themselves through exercise, eating veggies, prioritizing their life and drinking more water. If seniors don’t take care of themselves physically, everything else is pointless. Not feeling well physically should be a wake up call for seniors. They should eat more green veggies to stay well physically instead of eating junk food.

To empower their spirit, and continue to live audaciously, seniors should have a conversation with God or whichever higher power in the universe they believe in. Once they just listen to what needs to be heard, seniors learn to listen to their inner voice and their instincts.

Change As a Gateway to Opportunity, Wisdom and Growth Instead of Fear

Everyone is different on whether they’re more positive than negative or vice versa. However, seniors need to become positive instead of negative. Fear doesn’t have to drive a person’s life despite all the information being thrown at them 24/7; it is part of who we are regardless of age. However, we can choose to be positive despite our fears. It is not easy for seniors to change habits they’ve had for over 50 years; it can still be done through practice. Becoming positive despite all the fears seniors may have had throughout their lives is how they can begin to live audaciously.

How Community, Connection, and Curiosity Helps Seniors in Midlife

Community – Former neighbors seniors have known for years have moved away from the neighborhood, or have died. The key is finding people who are going through the same things they are. It makes seniors feel good because they have an affirming sense of community. There are community groups on Facebook in which seniors can become active. Community, whether online or in person, helps seniors remember they are not alone.
Connection – It is part of community; seniors seek a connection to themselves and their instincts. Seniors can ask themselves what they really want in their 50s, 60s, and beyond through prayer.
Curiosity – Seniors can take the opportunity to choose to either have a positive outlook or a negative one. They can start to be curious about where they want to go instead of thinking “what if” to “should I try that?” Seniors can take a chance in seeking others their age who have similar interests and go on from there.

Strategies Seniors Can Use to Control Responses to Aging

People over age 50 are afraid they will never find a soulmate again. Seniors should never believe what they society wants them to think, and realize it is not true; they can connect with a soulmate and have someone to talk to when they are aging. Seniors should never believe the hype they hear that everything is over for them. However, they can still allow themselves to be vulnerable and put themselves together to go out when they do find someone who can be a soulmate.

Seniors Appreciating Who They Are At 50 and Beyond

Seniors are more concerned about connecting to someone than being attractive physically to the opposite sex. For women over 50, there is extraordinary pressure to stay young. They should remember what works for them as they are aging is different than what worked in their 20s and 30s. Seniors know that what a person is like inside is more important than what is outside. It is more about how they feel than what they look like. Seniors live audaciously by their learned experience that a person’s looks fade over time, but who they are inside lasts a lifetime.

It is more difficult for some seniors than others to respond to aging positively. It is important for seniors to stay healthy and to see what happens as they grow older. Seniors are vulnerable when they choose to remarry, because they can lose another spouse. They may also choose to remain single because they can do whatever they want without asking anyone else. It is a choice only they can make.

Stopping Negative Thoughts About Being Considered “Old”

It is important for seniors to question negative thoughts about being perceived as “old”. They should discern where they come from and how they can train themselves not to believe them. People age 50 and over should also begin to notice why they are having negative thoughts about getting older. Seniors, as mentioned earlier, should respond with “says who” when they begin to have thoughts about being “over the hill”. They should realize there is a difference between being “over the hill” and having that thought.

Seniors 50 and over live audaciously by understanding there is a difference between having these thoughts and who they are. Living audaciously starts with deciding that you don’t have to believe you’re “over the hill”. Seniors should begin to realize it is not true and change their mantra. They should stop believing nothing they do is fun anymore and instead look for what they think looks like fun.

How Feeling Old Is Connected to Inflammation of Body and Mind

The body and mind are interconnected. If seniors think they are old, their physical health will suffer. Seniors need to make sure they have enough rest and refrain from eating a lot of sugar in their diet. Sugar is in many of the foods they eat. People of all ages can get defensive when they drink alcohol, and it can get worse as people reach 50. Seniors should begin to detox their mind by refusing to believe negative thoughts. However, changing one’s thoughts doesn’t happen overnight; it is not a simple process but takes a lot of practice.

The process begins with really paying attention to your thoughts and really noticing what is, and what is not, working. Seniors should notice what they believe and catch themselves once they realize what is driving them. When seniors live audaciously is when they begin to notice what nourishes the body and mind and what is toxic.

Self-Care Tips Seniors Can Use to Cultivate Resilience

Seniors should get more sleep, get some exercise, including walking, and make self-care a priority. They should notice what they are paying attention to in the media and prevent lizard brain if the message is negative. Seniors should pay close attention to how they feel and remain focused on those feelings, positive or negative. They can choose what they feed their minds with.

Seniors should look at their relationships with friends and relatives. They should not break up with them; instead, they need to focus on looking at their phones less and spending more face to face time with with loved ones. Negative conversations should be steered in a positive direction. When seniors feel negative, it saps their energy instead of feeding it. To live audaciously means seniors may sometimes have to ignore a friend who has constant negative thoughts to avoid having a negative outlook themselves.

Knowing When to Comfort a Grieving Friend and When to Let Go

It is OK to support a grieving friend. There is a difference between supporting a friend and going down a hole with them. A senior may have to leave a friend who remains in a hole instead of making an effort to climb out of it. Grieving is pure and cleansing for anyone. Mourning a loved one is fine; if a friend is still unable to go on with their life after three years, a senior should begin to create relationship boundaries between themselves and their friend.

Advice for Seniors Having a Hard Time Embracing Midlife

Lisa offered these tips for seniors who have trouble embracing the idea of being 50 plus:

Slow down and take a deep breath
Don’t try to figure everything out today
Assess where you are in life
Gratitude for everything in life
Don’t have to fix everything right now
Don’t let fear be the driver of your life

About the Author

From Lisa’s website “The Audacious Life”:

After studying film at NYU, I landed my dream job working in the music video department at a major record label (yes, those departments existed). This led me to running the video division of an LA production company to owning a business here in Seattle as an agent for directors and their companies.

I got married (25 years and counting), hit the pause button to stay at home with our 2 kids (now in college), and eventually, started my business again.

But here’s the thing: I always had a sneaking suspicion that something else was calling my name. I flirted with the idea of becoming a coach for years until flirting wasn’t cutting it any longer and I made the first move. Turns out that coaching is something I have been doing in one form or another for years but I just never knew I was doing it.