The Beginning of the End of a Marriage

When a couple marries, they have many expectations about their lives together. As the marriage begins to include children and careers, the couple still believes their marriage will continue “till death do us part”. Marriage requires hard work to last. When one or both partners begin to lose interest and/or grow into different directions, divorce is possible.

The Effects of Divorce on Seniors

The person who is chosen to be someone’s wife or husband has been chosen from all others. When a spouse asks for a divorce, their partner has been unselected. Divorce is especially hard on a senior woman if her husband leaves his wife for a younger woman after decades of marriage. His wife may begin to feel tossed aside simply because she is no longer “exciting” to her husband.  Divorced seniors should maintain close relationships with their friends, family members, and even their ex-spouse to avoid senior isolation that leads to depression, Anthony Cirillo reporting for U.S. News and World Report in 2018 advised.

How Divorce Can Affect Families

Divorce is a transition. Change is difficult. While a spouse may be moving on, his/her spouse is left wondering  what happened and why. Divorce can be considered amicable in which both parties agreed it was for the best. If there was conflict in the marriage, especially if children were involved, the divorce may be better than staying together  “just for the sake of the children”.

One or both partners may begin dating “on the rebound” following a divorce. Seeing one or both parents with a different partner may be unsettling for  adult children. Parents should reassure their children that they will always be loved unconditionally.

Why is Divorce No Longer a Stigma

Divorce is no longer the stigma it was 50 years ago. People are living longer than they did a century ago. Divorce is now considered an alternative to living with a spouse they no longer love or have simply grown apart.  Grandchildren may feel impacted by the divorce because they may not understand why their grandparents are no longer together, Cirillo noted.  It is important for the grandparents to offer support and acknowledge their grandchildren’s feelings following a divorce, Cirillo continued.

Physical and Emotional Effects of Divorce

Divorce brings about physical changes, such as weight loss.  It also brings emotional pain, because people are very hurt and troubled. It can be particularly troubling if one of the spouses did not agree to the divorce or was surprised by it.. A divorce is still a change many don’t ask for.  Divorce has  consequences to a newly divorced person’s physical and mental health that are not easily seen initially, Cirillo said.

How Divorce Affects Senior Women

Women particularly feel their sense of self has changed following a divorce. If a woman socialized with other couples, then she may find the friendships ended following the divorce. Senior women may have to learn to balance a budget if her husband controlled the family’s finances while his wife raised the children.

Divorce and Finances for Senior Women

When a divorce becomes final, women may find it difficult  to pay the bills, keep a roof over their heads and keep food on the table. Divorced senior women “tend to be less financially secure than married and widowed adults”, Angela Moore wrote in Market Watch in 2018. Senior women may find it difficult to live alone if they have limited finances, while a man’s social life can be negatively affected by living alone, Moore continued.  Women 60 and over may need to find part time work in a job market that may not always welcome them simply because of their age.

Women who attended college 50-60 years ago were more interested in finding a husband than training for a career.  A couple’s finances can be negatively affected if they divorce close to retirement. Women are more likely to leave work for family reasons, which reduces what they earn during their lifetime, Moore continued. Women may be required to split their retirement earnings as part of a divorce settlement.

How Divorce Offer Growth Opportunities

Divorce can be an opportunity to learn new skills, find new opportunities, and find new love.  A senior’s adult children may disapprove if one or both parents begin a new relationship. The senior should be careful to not to speak ill about their ex-spouse, and “be respectful of any new partner he or she may choose”, Cirillo suggested. “There is nothing to be gained from an acrimonious split”, Cirillo wrote.  Learning to keep busy, eating well, allowing time to rest and recover, and taking care of yourself is the best way to move on from a divorce, Cirillo said.  The whole family can begin to grow and learn from their parents’ or grandparents’ divorce.

For Further Information…

50 After 50: Reframing the Next Chapter of Your Life talks about ways that seniors can grow following a divorce.  Divorce eventually can lead to new opportunities for seniors to live life to the fullest. Seniors can learn things about themselves they may never have known if they had remained married.

Final Thoughts

Statistics have found second marriages may not last as long as the first. In 2015, 48% of adults 50 or older were in their 2nd or greater marriage, Cirillo found.  A  second or third marriage is a success when someone finds, and is, the right person in a union that lasts the rest of their lives.